Hello, my darlings, welcome to LoveTruth&Beauty Episode 82, Part One our continuing conversation on Conscious Sexuality—having exited the Matrix—that is No Longer Following and adhering to any automated scripts and behaviours—of Sexual enslavement as promulgated by the powers-that-wanna-be within the Matrix. Specifically, I’ll be sharing a DIY journaling and clearing exercise that dissolves and heals the intense collective pain body from the energetic sexual deposits and projections of past lovers.
I want to start with some brief readings from my book: F’d Wide Open: The Rude Awakening of the Heart-Based New Humanity.
Objectifying the Goddess
Tabloid blogs and online social media constantly feed starstruck consumers with the dirty laundry, relationship woes, and rehab dilemmas of celebrities, politicians, and spiritual leaders. And let’s not forget the media’s fixation on exploiting women as sexual objects, which is not only entertainment but big business in the billions of dollars. At its most basic level, the enormous financial success of pornography—whether online (including the deep web-darknet/dark web), or in sex clubs, massage parlours, strip clubs, and global government-religion sanctioned sex slavery/human trafficking—is testament to the demands of Unconscious Man and his appetite for sexual entertainment at the expense of Woman and her children. Women all over the world who are still mind-controlled to seek an inflated sense of self through collective unconscious male affirmation rather than real love and reclaiming their self-worth internally become unwitting puppets of the patriarchy/matriarchy, and voluntarily line up by the millions to parade in front of the world as the latest objects of sexual desire and perceived adoration, only to be easily replaced by the next selections.
Ironically, on a cosmic/spiritual level, it is Man’s natural desire to worship Woman (as the Goddess and all forms of the Feminine) and Woman’s deepest yearning as Goddess to be worshipped and seen as beauty and light by Man (all forms of the Masculine) that fuels the seemingly unconscious obsessive compulsion in both Man and Woman to participate in prostitution, sex slavery, and all forms of pornography.
The only real difference between a man paying to have sex with a prostitute (who by the way is an incarnation of the Goddess, so check your judgments please) and Man making love with his beloved Woman (or Feminine essence partner), or between a strip club and an ancient Goddess temple of worship, is the embodiment of consciousness within everyone’s heart, mind, and body. Whether you call it sex, fucking, or making love, the pull for sexual union has its anchoring in the cosmic/spiritual realm. The participants either know this or they don’t, depending on their level of consciousness and awareness.
Years ago, as a professional exotic and Middle Eastern dancer and performer, I was highly conscious of the immense pleasure and power I harnessed and expressed through my body and how those Divine energies were received by my at times predominantly male audience. I witnessed men and women falling to their knees, eyes wet with devotion, and intensely feeling love and worship of the Goddess, herSelf, directed toward the She in me. The experience was profoundly spiritual and erotic, and yet so much guilt and shame were thrown into the mix by both men and women—along with judgment and sanctimonious holier-than-thou attitudes. I experienced a handful of disturbing experiences with men who were particularly triggered by my ethnicity and took it upon themselves to hurl their rage and expletives at me with extreme gusto. I eventually realized that the energetic feeding frenzy of desire from my audience for my Form—whether generated from innocence and admiration, sexual deviance, or from negative thought forms and psychic entity attachments hopped up on drugs and alcohol—proved to be more than manageable for mySelf. Imagine the enormity of the collective energetic frequencies derived from unconscious sexual entertainment, from the basest emotional reactivity of guilt, shame, humiliation, or anger and judgment, to an insatiable lust that degenerates into thoughts and fantasies of sexual perversion, violent assault, and torture. I learned to energetically clear and clean mySelf up after each performance and regularly practiced this ritual of spiritual-energetic hygiene, or suffer the energetic consequences of bringing various members of my audience, along with their lust and entities, home with me.
My very first Energy Mastery workshop was designed for performing artists wanting to go stealth and shield themSelves from intrusive energy projections from their audience and to enhance their performance abilities.
My signature talk "We Are All Programmed To Be Sex Slaves," I make the statement that we are all programmed to be Sex Slaves from the moment we are conceived, and given all our historical, tribal, religious, media, societal programs and influences, it’s not surprising that most of us are confused when it comes to sexuality and love. If love is potentially so tragic, why bother? Why not settle for just no-strings-attached sex? Why not settle for being a sex object of desire? Isn’t any attention better than none? Why not fuck as many people as we can? Or abstain forever? Why not remain in the shallow?
Why not?
Because it’s not what we really want—it’s not what we’re truly yearning and aching for. We are being “called” to something deeper, greater, and sweeter.
Sexual empowerment and sexual promiscuity are often confused as the same thing. While both can generate the same feelings of dis-ease, dissatisfaction, and/or emptiness once the high of a great make-out session or orgasm wears off, sexual empowerment is based more on choice than dysfunction. Many of today’s young women already realize that acting like sex-obsessed men who hook up with everyone insight isn’t such a good idea after all. Maybe sexual freedom and sexual empowerment are really just fancy names for unsatisfying, indiscriminate sex that leaves them feeling depressed, empty, exhausted, and longing for a real connection, real love.
The experts who study sexual biochemistry and neurochemistry lead us to believe we are simply drones to our bodies’ innate chemistry and gender—but even seemingly unconscious men feel something is missing. They’re just not yet Self-aware enough to articulate what that something is. Whether we hold on to our predetermined roles to secure the status quo of Man taking care of Woman, or take ourSelves out of relationship possibilities altogether and into isolation—or even endeavour to create relationships based on equality with our like-hearted, like-minded partners—we all know something is missing.
At some point, while sleepwalking aimlessly through the gap between isolation and love-based (sexual) connection, some of us are shaken awake. Divine providence shines down in a poignant, conscious moment of clarity: Woman’s body and responses are a physical and sexual mirror to Man’s. Our vaginas actually mimic a very hard penis, rigid and at times desensitized in its need for harsh, over-the-top stimulation and violent penetration. As women we often mistake such harshness for “passion,” but deep down we know something’s off and out of balance. The pain and detachment of fast, rough sex are synonymous to the phenomenon of cutting; the sight of blood pouring from a self-inflicted wound blatantly reminds us that perhaps at least we might feel something, maybe.
My sis-STAR-Goddesses frequently share that their deeply embedded grief, triggered and released through core-level sobbing and kriyas (outward bodily manifestations of spontaneous kundalini energy movements), resulted from opening through the tender touch and slow gentle, deep penetrating loving of Conscious Man.
I too have personally experienced this bittersweet outpouring of deep sorrow and relieved elation in the presence of Conscious Man, not from his sexual technique, but from his meeting me in the real—unhurried and deep, where time becomes timeless. My journey also illuminated my own empowerment of sustaining and supporting the continuing unravelling of the painful tensions and traumas of my past caught in my body and tissues. As with all women, we are each required to gently discover and heal through our own embodied Inner Masculine—as He, in service to the Inner Feminine, consciously and lovingly opens our hearts and yonis to receive, and if there is any unconsciousness or energetic distortions, He won’t engage your opening because He protects and serves Her. The Truth is that the pain we feel isn’t just the result of aggressive penetration of an unconscious penis, but actually, the closure of our yonis from the cumulative energies dumped into us from unconscious sex and also the result of not being fully loved and opened by a Conscious Man (or Conscious Masculine essence in gay, lesbian, or bisexual coupling). Only He (this includes Woman’s own Inner Masculine who’s tuned into her Inner Feminine’s desires and yearnings) has the power to take on and dissolve Her entire past held inside Her deepest of sacred places. Many of us discover that even if we could achieve Earth-shattering, mind-blowing orgasms—generated within our own erotic fantasy and imagination, or the result of opening to the promise of love through a skilful lover—we would still continue to feel disturbed, upset, dirty, frustrated, sad, depressed, unfulfilled, or just plain used when the high of pleasure wears off.
“How can this be? What the fuck is wrong?” We ask the same questions every time the empty feelings arise. The questions and feelings can be blown off and ignored, but sooner or later we are confronted with a need to stop, step back, and reflect upon what we’re doing to ourSelves.
Reality check: we have all taken on the energy signatures of every person we’ve ever had sex with—along with every person they’ve had sex with as well. Yeah, do the math, face the Truth, but do so without guilt, shame, or judgment! Hold yourSelf in tenderness and love.
We love our stories of the past and simultaneously hate them.
Sometimes we defend those stories, upholding them to death. We’re filled with everything from longing to anger, frustration, guilt and shame, from Self-hate to lust that can’t be quelled, quenched, or satisfied. We allowed ourSelves to engage in unconscious sex with Unconscious Man repeatedly and intentionally—and to embody Unconscious Woman—because we wanted attention, any kind of attention, and his adoration, devotion, and love. We thought unconscious sex would dampen down the nervous, frenetic energy entrap- ping us. Perhaps we thought it was love, or would bring us closer to love, to him. He promised it was love.
Maybe he’s “the One,” just try it one more time, maybe if we don’t be so quick to judge him.
On the awakened side, maybe we’re finally fed up and just withdraw from the whole scene. Maybe it’s time to step back and reflect on healing without shutting down our hearts and our yonis. Perhaps we can remain open and hopeful by looking deeply beyond the wounds in our hearts (including our yonis) and our body-minds and into the Divine.
Part of the inner work for Woman is about Woman getting to know her own Inner Feminine and Masculine, and through this core collaborative, foundational relationship, Woman gets to know every inch, nook, and cranny of her body-mind, and the wisdom of her heart and yoni. This work is deeply intimate, gentle, and slow.
And so Unconscious Woman awakens and embodies Her Divinity, giving rise to Conscious Woman who now ascends, takes flight, and dances in the sky. She is the female embodiment of enlightened energy. She dances. She is Form—Skydancing through the Formless. And so the healing begins when She decides to consciously descend and fully incarnate into Form, fully embodying Her life as the physical expression of Conscious Woman to match up to Conscious Man who awaits—after doing HIS own deep inner work, as he has suffered too in his quest to dissolve this own programming of perpetrator unconsciousness.
Regardless of whether you are a man or woman:
Here’s my DIY Journaling & Burning to Heal, Clear, and Release the toxic energies of past lovers:
- Put aside some private time, at least several hours. Create a Sacred Union altar with crystals and meaningful symbols/ talismans. Light a candle. Make a list of everyone you’ve had sex with. Allow various feelings and thoughts to arise and record them.
After you make your list, take a few moments with each name, sending them love, blessings, and gratitude—they have contributed to the person you are now. Journal about what arises for each name—keep writing until you feel complete. If you can’t remember a name, journal about what comes up from that.
If the thoughts and feelings that arise are uncomfortable and unpleasant, imagine a beam of pure electric violet light emanating from your center into the planet. Allow these feelings to connect to this beam of pure electric violet light penetrating Gaia. Allow Gaia to transform these feelings and thoughts into healing energy for one and all.
Send out the energy of love and acceptance (forgiveness) to anyone on this list who triggers bad feelings within you, or for whom you harbour a grievance. Remember that any unfinished business keeps you apart from your true nature.
Express your pain and process through creativity—paint, sculpt, write, sing, play music, dance, etc. Remember that creativity often is inspired and expressed during times of challenge and suffering.
Journal freely about what attracted you to particular lovers—what you received from them, and what you gifted them.
Journal freely about lovers who repulsed you, dissolving any guilt or intense feelings that arise.
Journal freely about lovers who confused you. These are the lovers you felt attracted to, repulsed by, and/or with whom you experienced intense sexual arousal. The intent of this exercise is to dissolve and unravel any guilt, shame, and self-judgment around these erotic experiences. This particular set of journaling exercises frees up an inordinate amount of energy stuck in the body’s cells and tissues and opens and relaxes our hearts, yonis, and phalluses.
Remember to burn your journals.
Be gentle with yourSelf. Easy does it.
Ok my darlings, that’s my speech. XOXO
F'd Wide Open: The Rude Awakening of the Heart-Based New Humanity, 2nd Edition -- amzn.to/2NEi4AC